I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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