do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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