you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
