Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
