I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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