Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
