I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
