I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
