I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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