when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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