when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
