you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
