apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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