Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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