worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
