he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
