Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm at about main and main street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
