I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
