Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
