They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
