i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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