It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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