Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
