my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
