There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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I just forgot I was standing up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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