Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
