Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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