He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone shattered a urinal.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
