U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize