Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
