Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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