I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
