my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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