just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
