I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
