I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
