Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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