I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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