oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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