Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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