I think I am morally bankrupt
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
