before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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