K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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