good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
