I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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