The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
