ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
