he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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