I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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