I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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