I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
