We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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