where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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