Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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