I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
