OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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