rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
