OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
how drunk are you?
Several
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