It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
