Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
