I am full of burrito and curiosity
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
