i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
