OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
