This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
