he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
