you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
