I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
