I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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